Break Away

Good Morning and Happy Monday everybody! I’m sure it feels like I forgot, or got a little lazy, since you didn’t hear from me last week. But I promise, there was a purpose to the silence. I spent last week REALLY digging deep into my own heart and mind, and in order to do so - I had to break away from A LOT of things that have become a daily part of my life. Starting with Social Media.

Last Monday, I decided that it was time for another detox, and this time it wasn’t with negative people. Not even necessarily with something negative in my life, but something that was starting to bring out negative thoughts and emotions within myself. When you commit to listening to your body, mind and spirit - you will start to discover things about yourself that you never realized. And for me, social media was starting to become one of them. Now don’t get it twisted, I am not saying that social media is the devil. Because it isn’t. When you’re alone, it can make you feel less lonely. Because you can connect and keep in touch with your family and friends. You can still feel all of the emotions that you felt when you were with them, from photos, memories and videos. You can feel the excitement in your heart when you see them happy, and be there for them when you start to notice their unhappiness. Social media keeps you connected with friends and family from all over the world - and that is so special, because it helps time and distance feel so small. It also connects you to new people. I met an incredible woman here in Arizona, who I am lucky to call a friend, after we spent a year ONLY talking on social media. And when we finally met up in person, a short coffee date turned into a four hour heart-to-heart and I can’t thank the Universe enough for putting someone in my life who is aligned with me in thought, spirit and creativity. Social media also inspires you to create. People, art, work, life - you can get inspired on so many levels (when you are following the right people). And something that I truly believe… it can help your businesses, brands and organizations thrive. So, I’m not here to bash social media. I am here to remind you, just as I reminded myself last Monday, that it is okay and absolutely necessary to break away from it from time to time, and use it in better moderation.

Social media can be a GREAT asset to your life, but it can also be a huge WEIGHT when you are obsessing over it and when you are investing too much time and energy into it. According to an article published in the December 2018 Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, keeping your (social media) use down just 30 minutes a day can lead to better mental health outcomes. I understand that some of us use it to network, and market for our careers, so 30 minutes a day is not possible. But you still have to be aware of how it makes you feel and how it is impacting your day to day lifestyle when you do. Social Media has been known to feed depression, anxiety, low self esteem and really take a toll on mental health. And here are some of the major reasons why, and some of the major things that you should always keep in check when you find yourself feeling down. These are what I believe to be the “red flags” of social media.

I think that one of the largest social media red flags is FOMO, Fear of Missing Out. And I say this, because it is the one thing that impacts me more than anything else. It is so easy to see people you know, or strangers for that matter, doing all of the things on your bucket list. And you are watching them do these things from the comfort of your own home, which now seems like a jail cell, because it is not as appealing as the streets of Barcelona, or the beaches of Cabo. You feel as though you are missing out of these positive experiences, or emotions - when you aren’t missing out on anything. Because when you are getting your life together and working to live the best possible life that you can. YOU ARE NOT MISSING ANYTHING, YOU ARE RIGHT WHERE YOU NEED TO BE. You should be investing more energy in trusting in the Universe and trusting that the path that you are on is going to bring you so much prosperity and happiness. But these negative feelings flow so frequently and effortlessly and they are being fueled by social media. These emotions are coming from a place of jealousy, insecurity and an expectation of what you think life should be like.

Which brings me to my next social media red flag - the social expectations. When we see other people living what we consider to be “successful lives”, we often find ourselves wondering what is right, where we should be, what we should achieve and the most daunting…when we should be achieving, or reaching certain points in our lives. We give ourselves these timelines, and if you don’t reach your goals in these timeframes we begin to develop anxiety over our situations and question our abilities to succeed. We always feel like we aren’t doing “well enough” if we are not finished with college in five years, getting married before 30, starting a family before 40, starting a business before it’s “too late” and you’ve invested “too much time” in your previous career - well here’s a plot twist for you, if you’re stuck on those timelines. THERE IS NO SUFFICIENT TIMELINE FOR YOUR LIFE. Your life will happen as it is supposed to. And we need to remember that when we find ourselves worrying over our time here on earth and what we consider to be successful in our own society. By examining and comparing other peoples “success" we are placing so much self-doubt on ourselves. And in doing so, we end up holding ourselves back from our own greatness. All because we were too busy comparing everyone else’s story to our own. We need to stop seeing greatness in everyone else, but not ourselves. Our paths are all different, and we need to stop feeling so “lost” when we can’t relate to someone else’s story. We need to stop living someone else’s dream and live our own. Because guess what? Maybe you are not the conventional man or woman. Maybe you don’t have the conventional career, or conventional educational background. But guess what. You are YOU. And that is all that matters. Let the social expectations, time lines and social norms go out the window. I can be the professional photojournalist and rockstar photographer that I always dreamed of. And I can be a respected business owner and lingerie model, because it is MY PATH. It is not up for discussion, or critique by anyone but me. It’s time to stop getting distracted by ANYTHING that doesn’t have to do with your own goals, and life dreams.

And the scariest part is that social media has created these jealous and insecure behaviors, that are sometimes pure illusion. We are over here on our couches and in our cars envious over lifestyles, and relationships that may not even truly exist in real life. People aren’t always who they post to be. Their lives aren’t always as glamorous as what they post. Do you truly think that the girl on instagram with the prettiest smile, at the prettiest places, doesn’t ever break down in the middle of the night and cry, because she feels so alone? Let me tell you something. She does, but she doesn't post that. And that couple that you see posting 24/7 about how happy they are, could stay up all night fighting after posting their perfect #relationshipgoals picture on every social media platform that they have. Oh, and look up the app FaceTune. Yes, it is awesome when you have a blemish on your face and want to get rid of it in a photo. And there is nothing wrong with that. But remember that when you buy the full app - you can change your full face. Maybe that’s why the instagram model that you saw in person didn’t quite look as glamorous. And I’m not saying that to be a smart ass, or make you laugh. It makes me sad. Because she didn’t love herself enough to embrace who she truly was. I’m not against minor adjustments, and I’m not against enhancing who you are with apps, or surgery, or makeup, or clothes. But I AM against people who are using those things to mask the fact that they hate themselves. I wish they could see how beautiful they are, and start the journey to self love. And I wish that, because I also wish that for myself when I have personal self-destructing thoughts. We have all seen the humorous instagram vs. reality posts and we think that they are hilarious enough to share to family and friends. But in the moments when we find ourselves jealous of someone else’s life, why can’t we take a step back and remember that we are all human and that no one has the perfect life - no matter what it looks like posted for the world to see. We often create unrealistic expectations of life, relationships, friendships and careers - based off of things that could be complete and utter bullshit. If we stopped obsessing over everyone else, and took a look at how awesome our lives could be - we could start to make those changes.

But we forget about the potential impact that social media not only has on our lives, but on our mental states. Another red flag with social media is the fact that when we scroll we often find ourself struggling and questioning our self-worth, our self-acceptance and our self-image. It is so easy to find yourself looking at other people on social media and wishing that you looked like someone else, or had the body, things or relationships that someone else has. Trust me, I’ve been there. And recently, far more than I would have ever liked to be. Which is why I took a step back and limited my social media use - because I needed to scroll through my own photos and fall in love with ME again. And when you get stuck in that mindset, it is so easy to obsess over what you post and how you present yourself. You start to obsess over the “likes”, “followers” and “interactions” as if they give you some sort of validity as a person. We seek gratitude for those things, instead of real life interactions. And we find ourself using those things to fill voids in “real life”. I know from experience. In a previous relationship I spent so much of my time on social media. I was posting everything for the attention that I wasn’t receiving in my own relationship. And instead of walking away from someone who didn’t make me feel beautiful, I was letting all of the people online feed my ego. I should’ve been feeding my own ego, and making the changes that I needed in my own life. But this felt better. It was easier to do, I was comfortable and I was wearing a reality filter. It is so much harder to put in the work for self acceptance, than to do everything in your power to find social approval. But we need to stop taking the easy way out. Let me go ahead and break it down for you…YOU DON’T NEED SOCIAL APPROVAL. YOU NEED SELF-LOVE. You miss out on so much of the world by adding filters to your life, by acting cool and by “doing it for the gram”.

So, what is my solution to these red flags? Be unique, but be yourself. Do what is right for you, not for everyone else watching you. Go places that YOU enjoy, not because they would look great on instagram. We have a limited time on this planet, so why spend it being an oversaturated and watered down version of yourself - all so strangers online could “like” who you post to be. Never underestimate the power of staying in your very own lane, because babe you look good there! And I’m not saying to disregard others success, in fact I am telling you to cheer on others who are finding happiness in their own lives. Wish them well, and give them social support. Giving support is creating a far better energy than being bitter and jealous. But remember that people need support, not a reminder that you’re doing just as good, or are several steps “ahead” of them. Stay humble with your own success. Let others have their moment, without you chiming in on what you’re working on. And on that note, it is okay to take a step back and prioritize your privacy. You don’t need to post every amazing moment in life, and you don’t need to post every inconvenience in your life. Save some of your thoughts, feelings, achievements and failures as things for ONLY YOU to reflect on.

And when you are taking the time to scroll on social media, if you find yourself uninspired by who you are following then it is time to change those accounts. Follow people who inspire you, empower you, educate you and who make you want to reach for the stars as they are. Follow accounts that are full of what fires your passion - woodworking, metalworking, photography, art, modeling, film, collecting…whatever it is - SURROUND YOURSELF WITH IT. And if there are accounts/people that you follow who don’t make you feel like anything I just talked about, there is a button that is so easily pressed that says “unfollow”. You are under no obligation to follow anyone, or continue to follow them. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, especially when you are doing something to better yourself and your mental health. It is time to remember that this life that you are living is not a competition. It is not about what everyone else is achieving, it is about what YOU are achieving. Life is about breaking your own limits, not limits set for you by society and others. Your only job as a person is to outgrow your own past, your own expectations, your own limits, and keep your eyes focused on yourself, not on everyone else. Start listening to YOU. And when those evil dysfunctional thoughts creep in as they always do, tell your mind to align with the power of the Universe. Trust in the Universe, in Yourself, and in your power. Give gratitude and watch your life change.

And most importantly, remember that it is not only okay, but essential to step away from social media and from every outside source every once in a while. Because my truth is that after I have a lot of social interaction (whether it is online, in person, or just in passing) I need time alone to find my alignment again. I need time to recharge my energy, and that is okay. When I get quiet, or I don’t answer the phone, or I don’t have a social media presence, nine times out of ten I am not unhappy, or angry. I get quiet and take a step back and reset, recharge and reevaluate where I am at, who I am and where I am going. It helps me live, and keeps me sane. And in this process you don’t have to stay strong. If you need 24 or 48 hours to cry, scream, cuss, mope and feel sorry for yourself about whatever it is that you set you back - you take that time. You cry it out in your bed, or over that tub of ice-cream. And then you pull yourself together, wake up the next morning ready to take on the day or the week and you remember who you are. And you go back to being the badass that you are. So if you’ve had those negative feelings lately, if you have compared yourself to what you see on social media - I want you to take the rest of the day and disconnect from the rest of the world. Do whatever it is that YOU need to do, and wake up tomorrow with the positive energy to take on the rest of the week. I know that you can and I know that you will. And I hope you know that I am sending you all of the positive vibes in the world. Thank you for letting me share my light with you every week and love you every Monday! Have an amazing rest of the week!

Photo from my photo series titled “Detox”